


And the roots grew

by YvonneSilver



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Canon Compliant, Episode: s03e13 That Hope Is You Part 2, Gen, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:02:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28941906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YvonneSilver/pseuds/YvonneSilver
Summary: After having retrieved the away team from the dilithium planet, Michael thought she'd just check in with her captain. She hadn't expected to receive news of his intention to leave. Luckily, Saru is prepared to explain.
Relationships: Michael Burnham & Saru
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15





	And the roots grew

Michael hesitated for a moment at the entrance to the ready room, smiling at the sight of Saru rummaging for something in his desk. It was good to see him back as his old self again. The holodeck had been unsettling in many ways, but the change lain over Saru had been the most unexpected. Seeing the kelpien back in his natural state, in his own office, calmed her in an unexpected but very welcome way.

“You should be in sickbay,” Michael said, though it was less an admonishment and more a way to announce her arrival.

Saru looked up from the drawer, his expression softening when he saw her. “I could say the same of you.”

Michael smiled, gently touching the phantom wound on her thigh. “I think a stab wound hardly compares to being irradiated for over twelve hours.”

“We kelpien are a hardy species,” Saru said, waving her concerns away.

“So I’ve learned.” She moved away from the doorframe, taking his light tone as implicit permission to enter. “How is Su’kal doing?”

“He is…” Saru tilted his head, as he so often did when searching for the right word. “adjusting.”

Michael nodded sympathetically. “It must be quite a shock for him.”

“He has lost his whole world,” Saru said thoughtfully, “and gained access to an infinitely bigger one. He will need much guidance as he reintegrates into society.”

“I’m sure the people on Kaminar will welcome him with open arms,” Michael said warmly.

“Ah. Yes, well.” Saru rubbed his hands on the side of his legs. “I was hoping to find a more opportune time to tell you this, but I suppose now is as good as any. I plan to accompany Su’kal to Kaminar.”

Michael frowned, unsure of what he meant. “Of course. You are the obvious choice to escort him there. I expect you'd need to debrief back at Starfleet Headquarters, and we need to replace the warp core, but there’s no reason we can’t jump to Kaminar before docking for repairs if you're in a hurry.”

“You misunderstand.” Saru said patiently. “I intend to stay on Kaminar.” He must’ve seen the shock on her face, because his voice took on a placating tone. “Not permanently, of course. But for the foreseeable future.”

“Saru.” There was a jumble of emotions in her: confusion, shock, an odd sense of betrayal. She’d thought that Starfleet would always come first for Saru. After everything all of them had been through, he would leave them now? She swallowed and pressed her emotions down. “May I ask why?”

“Of course.” He gestured towards the lounge area, and they took a seat opposite each other. The low chairs, designed for human use, were too short for Saru, but he managed to effortlessly fold himself into one, crossing his long legs in front of the chair so that he could place his elbows on his knees. He pressed his fingertips together and regarded Michael over them. “Michael, you know me best of anyone on this ship. I hope you can understand why I must do this.”

Michael shifted forward on the sofa, clasped her hands in front of her, and gave him her full attention. “I’m listening.”

He hesitated for a moment, unsure of where to begin. He settled on the most obvious place: the beginning. “When I first left my planet with a handful of seeds and a headful of dreams, I did so knowing that I’d never be able to return home. I understood the full weight of that choice, and I’ve no cause to regret it. Starfleet has offered me a new home, a new purpose in life which I dedicated myself to with all my attention.  
"It has brought me everything I’ve hoped for and more. I’ve visited hundreds of planets, met countless new peoples, and represented my species to the best of my abilities for all of them. I’ve learned many, many things I would never have known if I had stayed on Kaminar. I’ve made many friends, and I still consider you one of the closest.”

“And I you,” Michael interrupted, touched by his declaration.

Saru inclined his head in acknowledgement. “You have always put your trust in me. You helped me through vahar’ai. Then, my path led me back home. I got the unexpected chance to take my knowledge back to my family, to reconnect with my past and my planet. I was able to bring a new future to my sister. That is a debt I will never be able to repay.”

“There is nothing to pay for," Michael interupted again, almost offended that Saru would still feel that way. "It was the right thing to do, and I’m honored to have been able to help.”

He waved her reassurances away, starting to get more agitated as he got closer to the point he was trying to make. “But I left, again. There was still the red angel to contend with, and I had a duty and a debt to Starfleet. And, in all honestly, there was still too much to see, learn, experience. I... didn’t realize, not at the time, not at either time, what I had left behind. But now, connecting with Su’kal. No, it’s not just him.” He interrupted himself. As he neared the heart of the matter, his self-assured manner began to falter, as he searched for how to express his feelings. He rubbed the back of his neck, an old gesture of discomfort he’d rarely displayed since the loss of his ganglia. “It’s not just for Su’kal’s sake that I want to go back, though I do feel a significant responsibility there." He hesitated for a moment, but then seemed to make a choice.  
"This past day, on that holodeck, I’ve rediscovered my own history. I listened to the old stories. I remembered Kaminar’s kelp fields. I made Sàì-núù-lem as I last did with my father. These parts of my family, my culture. If I had never had a chance to return again, I wouldn’t have known, but now that I remember...” His hands fluttered, as if he physically grabbed after the explanation of his feelings. Suddenly, he seemed to reach the words he was looking for. He settled his hands in his lap and looked Michael in the eye. “I needed to leave my past behind to reach the future I dreamed of, and I do not regret it. But I have cut myself off from my kind for too long. I need to do this.”

He had said it as a statement, but there was a question in his eyes as he looked at her. Michael felt a lump swell in her throat, swallowed quickly before the emotion could overwhelm her. When Discovery had followed her into the future, the whole crew had lost touch with everything they had known, but now Saru had a chance to reconnect with something he'd lost long before that. How could she deny him? “Of course. Of course, Saru, take all the time you need.”

Saru let out a deep sigh, and almost visibly a weight lifted off his shoulders. “I am grateful for your understanding, Michael.”

Michael felt almost insulted by the thought that she wouldn’t back him up in such an important decision. “Saru, you were by my side as I reconnected with both my brother and my mother, neither of whom I thought I’d ever be able to talk to again. It is the least I can do to support you in this.”

“Nevertheless,” Saru nodded graciously at her, “thank you Michael.” He seemed relieved at having explained his case to her. He took another deep breath, relaxing into the soft chair. Then, the moment passed, and he resolutely lifted himself from the chair.

Michael followed him as he walked back to his desk. Their piece said, they automatically reassumed the more formal setting, Saru behind the desk, Michael in front of it. She straightened and clasped her hands behind her back.

“You came to see me for something,” Saru prompted.

“Not specifically,” Michael admitted. “I just came to check in. But with what you’ve just told me...”

“Something is troubling you.”

Michael bit her lip. “Permission to speak freely, captain.”

“Of course,” Saru granted with a nod of his head.

Michael took a deep breath. “First Officer Tilly, and I say this with the utmost respect and love for her, I don’t think she’s ready for a full command yet.” She looked up at Saru to gage his reaction.

“I agree,” Saru said, confirming Michael’s suspicions.

She couldn’t keep the note of disappointment from her voice. “So the admiral will be appointing a new captain during your absence. After all we did to keep the crew together, and to keep Discovery in familiar hands.” She pulled herself together and voiced her chief concern. “I worry the crew will not react well to an outsider taking command of her.”

Saru hummed softly. “I’m sure we could suggest a suitable replacement from within the current crew.”

Michael let her thoughts pass over the options. The bridge crew were all very capable people at their respective stations, but she couldn’t see any of them taking command. The same was true for the chief officers. She looked up and saw Saru regarding her humorously. The penny dropped. “Me?” The surprise lifted her voice. She cleared her throat. “Sir, I couldn’t.”

“Why not? You were an obvious choice, once. Despite the rough year we’ve had, you’ve shown yourself to be more than capable. The last twenty-four hours have proven it; even under extreme duress, with impossible decisions put into your hands, you’ve always acted in Starfleet’s interest.”

“Even so,” Michael said, hardly daring to even consider it. “I don’t think the admiral likes me rather much,” she said, aiming for humor but sounding petulant to her own ears.

“I’m sure he will warm up to you, as I did,” Saru said kindly. “Your unconventional methods _did_ just solve the Burn.”

Michael wondered for a moment at how far they’d come. From war criminal to Starfleet captain.

“Think on it,” Saru said. “And let me talk to the admiral.”

Michael shook her head. She hadn’t even allowed herself to consider the possibility, not since her demotion. Now that it was on the table, she realized that, deep down, the captaincy was still something she wanted, something she knew she would be good at. But Saru wasn’t in the position to offer it to her, and the admiral would never stand for it. She lifted her chin, forced herself to move past the disappointment. Whoever next captained the Discovery, she would be there to help keep them on the right course. “Thank you for your trust, Saru. On both counts.”

“Thank you, Michael.”

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, I get that the show must've had its reasons, but you can't just write out a 3-season Main Character out in a voice-over. So here's a missing scene. If anyone else has a different take on it, I'd love to hear about it via [my tumblr](http://parvasilvi.tumblr.com/ask).  
> Also, if anyone has written Tilly's reaction to Michael's captaincy (either via Saru or from Michael herself), I'd love to read it, let me know!


End file.
